Author Archives: Jonathan Mohr

Disregard the weather forecast

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Weather Forecast

Ecclesiastes 11:4 (New International Version)
Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.

This past Saturday, I was scheduled to participate in a fishing tournament. I had looked forward to this weekend ever since I put the event on the calendar. I would be joining my dad, one of my brother-in-laws, and a cousin for a day of fishing on a well-known lake in southern Illinois. It was a charity event, and I was anticipating a day of relaxation while supporting a good cause.

But in the days leading up to the tournament, things took an ominous turn. Or should I say the weather forecast took an ominous turn. All reports indicated that it was going to be cold and rainy – not exactly the kind of weather that lends itself to a relaxing day of catching fish.

Early last week, my father let me know that our cousin would monitor the weather reports and make the final call as to whether we would participate. (This all-important decision was left to my cousin because he was the most important member of our fishing crew, a.ka. the guy who owns the boat.) On Wednesday, my cousin made the call: we were canceling the trip. All indications were that Saturday would be marred by storms and rain.

I was semi-depressed, but there really wasn’t much I could do. I couldn’t blame my cousin for not wanting to tow a boat more than 100 miles just to sit in the parking lot and watch raindrops splatter on the windshield. We discussed a backup plan that included fishing on a local lake, but we decided to forgo that plan too.

As it turned out, I spent Saturday sleeping in, doing laundry, and preparing for my Sunday School class. While it wasn’t exactly a horrible day, I definitely would have preferred to be on the lake with the sun in my face and a rod and reel in my hand.

So how did the weather turn out? Where I live, at least, it would have been a perfect day for fishing. It was cloudy, but not a single raindrop fell from the sky. But instead of standing on a boat while reeling in a trophy, I was home folding underwear. Trust me; it’s just not the same thrill.

What’s the moral of this story? If you let the weather forecast determine your plans, you’ll never accomplish anything. If you look hard enough, there’s always a cloud on the horizon that you can use as an excuse to keep the boat parked in the shed.

So if you feel like God has called you to do something, ignore the weather forecast. Go ahead and launch the boat.

It’s probably going to be a perfect day for fishing.

The most important factor in personal success

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Psychologists have discovered the factor that determines your success or failure in life. What they discovered may surprise you – but probably won’t.

The key to your success in life may rest on your ability to tell yourself one very simple word, and enforce that decision.

Not surprisingly, that word is “No.” (I have a three year-old and a 10-month old at my house, so we use that word quite frequently.)

Your ability to tell yourself “No” – to master your appetites, emotions and impulses – is the key to success in life.

In 1972, psychologist Walter Mischel of Stanford University conducted what has come to be known as the “marshmallow experiment.” The study took place at the Bing Nursery School on the university’s campus. The test subjects were children ages four to six.

One at a time, Mischel took the children into a room that was free from distractions. Researchers would seat the child at a table. On the table was a tray with a treat of their choice – an Oreo cookie, marshmallow, or pretzel stick. The researcher then gave the child two choices. He or she could eat the treat immediately, or, if they waited 15 minutes without giving into temptation, they would be rewarded with a second treat.

Mischel observed that some children covered their eyes or turned around so they couldn’t see the tray. Others kicked the desk or tugged on their hair. Some petted the marshmallow like it was a pet. Of course, a few just ate the marshmallow as soon as the researcher left the room.

More than 600 children took part in the experiment. Of those, a minority ate the marshmallow immediately. Of those who attempted to delay gratification, a third lasted long enough to earn a second marshmallow.

Years later, Mischel discovered an unexpected correlation between the results of his marshmallow test and the success of the children.

  • A 1988 follow-up study showed that, once they reached adolescence, the students who delayed gratification longer were more likely to be described as “competent” by their parents.
  • A second follow-up study, in 1990, showed that the ability to delay gratification correlated with higher SAT scores.
  • A 2011 study of the same participants indicates that the characteristic remains with the person for life.

Simply put, students who were able to master their appetites and impulses were more successful than their peers who couldn’t – or wouldn’t – do the same.

You may have noticed that the world is falling apart because too many people can’t tell themselves “no.” Entire countries are in the tank because they couldn’t resist the urge to spend far more than they brought in. And when they have tried to implement austerity measures, the public has responded with outrage. It seems governments aren’t the only ones who don’t like to be told no.

Before we chide the Greeks, recall that the average American now owes more than he or she makes annually. We can’t seem to control our impulses at the dinner table, either. In a majority of American states, one out of four people are obese. Not just overweight – obese. In Mississippi, 34 percent of the population is obese.

What is the solution? I believe it is found in this piece of advice that Arthur MacArthur, Jr., gave his young son Douglas.

“Learn to say ‘no’ to your feelings,” the elder MacArthur taught his son. “Occasionally deny yourself things that are alright just for the purpose of mastering doing it.”

Young Douglas embraced the discipline drilled into him by his soldier father. The young man attended West Point and graduated at the top of his class. During World War I he rose to the rank of brigadier general and was twice nominated for a Medal of Honor.

In World War II, Douglas MacArthur became commander of U.S. Army Forces Far East. He officially accepted Japan’s surrender in September 1945. Later, he led the United Nations Command in the Korean War.

The pipe-smoking general became one of the most legendary military commanders in American history, and one of his generation’s most beloved figures. His life demonstrates that those who first learn to rule themselves eventually will bear rule over others.

Triumphing over our basic human impulses also is at the heart of Christianity. Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24, NKJV)

Jesus wasn’t glorifying suffering. He knew ultimate triumph and happiness in life could only come through triumphing over your appetites and emotions, not indulging them.

As counter-intuitive as it may sound, self-indulgence is not the path to happiness. Rather, Jesus knew it was the road to ruin.

I like the way that Eugene Peterson, the writer behind the very popular paraphrase of the Bible known as The Message, rendered Jesus’ teachings in Matthew 16:25:

“Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself?”

Roger Staubach isn’t Jesus Christ, but I do like how he put it:

“Winning isn’t getting ahead of others, it is getting ahead of yourself.”

True success in life hinges on our ability to master our impulses, appetites and emotions. As the young students at Bing Nursery School discovered, the blessings of self-denial are double those offered through instant gratification.

Avoiding bankruptcy in the game of life

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Money bags and barsI love balancing the checkbook. (I’m weird like that.) I think it’s because I view my checkbook balance as a scoreboard. It’s is one way of seeing how well I’m doing in the area of finances. A fat balance means our family is winning: red represents disaster. It’s a form of instant feedback.

Our lives are a series of accounts. Every person has a spiritual account, a physical account, an emotional account, relationship accounts, career accounts, and many more. Each of those accounts has a balance. Each account is interconnected, similar to your bank accounts. Drain your checking account, and you’ll have to tap into savings to cover the shortfall. Drain one of your life balances, and it’s going to have a negative effect on other areas.

Throughout the course of our days, we make deposits and withdrawals in each of those accounts. How much we deposit is mostly up to us. Life usually determines how much gets withdrawn.

Maybe it’s just me, but I seem to notice more and more men (and women) walking around overdrawn in multiple life accounts. It seems that our penchant of living beyond our means isn’t just affecting our finances. Too many men are walking around physically drained, emotionally spent and spiritually bankrupt.

Have you ever had a time when your checking account was overdrawn? It might have been an honest mistake, but, until the problem was fixed, you felt uneasy and stressed out. (At least you should have.)

The same thing happens with our life accounts. When we live with even one or two continuously overdrawn accounts, it creates tremendous stress. Unfortunately, some men are overdrawn in almost all of their accounts, and the result can be total burnout.

It is imperative that we make daily – or at least weekly – deposits in each of our important accounts. We usually don’t know when life is going to come along and make a big withdrawal from one – or even all – of our accounts.

In 2005, Hurricane Katrina slammed into the Gulf Coast of the United States, causing immense devastation. Thousands of people lost their homes and all of their property.

I know a pastor who lived through the hurricane and its aftermath. The storm destroyed the church where his congregation met. Most of the parishioners were forced inland, and many never returned. The congregation decreased by half overnight.

To complicate matters further, this pastor’s elderly father was in a Gulf Coast nursing home when the storm hit. During the course of the evacuation, the elderly gentleman contracted pneumonia and died. It was a devastating blow.

The worst was yet to come. Before Katrina, the pastor’s wife had been diagnosed with cancer. After the storm, the couple could not return to their home. It had been completely flooded, and then overtaken by mold. Doctors told them that, because the wife’s immune system was severely compromised, the mold would prevent them from ever living in the house again. The couple was forced to live in a tiny trailer provided by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. The pastor’s wife continued to struggle valiantly against the disease, but she eventually lost the battle.

It seemed Hurricane Katrina had drained almost every one of this pastor’s life accounts. He was physically, emotionally and financially spent. Some who knew him well compared his suffering to that of the Biblical account of Job.

In the middle of these dark days, the pastor testified that what was carrying him through were the spiritual reserves he had stockpiled over the years. At that point, he was too exhausted to pray. But in better days, he had consistently spent time in prayer and in the Scriptures. Now, when he was at his lowest point and just holding on, those reserves sustained him.

Today, this pastor is back in the pulpit. His home and church have been rebuilt. His congregation is growing. He has remarried, and he and his new bride are building a happy life together. His spiritual, emotional, relational, and even financial reserves are being replenished. Should another storm blow through his life, this pastor will be ready.

This pastor endured extreme circumstances, but you and I can be sure life will send some storms our way, too. They may not come in the form of a hurricane or the death of our spouse, but they’ll blow our way, nonetheless. How we handle the storm depends on how well we prepare in advance.

Joseph is one of my Biblical heroes. In Genesis 41, he became ruler of Egypt just prior to seven years of abundant harvests. Because of the forewarning of God, Joseph knew these good years would be followed by seven years of famine. Consequently, Joseph saved up huge stockpiles of grain during the good times. When famine hit, Egypt had plenty of reserves to carry them through.

On the other hand, Joseph’s father and his brothers – the patriarchs of the nation of Israel, God’s chosen people – apparently didn’t know the famine was coming. They were unprepared, and were forced to go to Egypt to buy food for their families. It created great financial and relational stress in their family. They were saved only by the mercy of Joseph, the man who had stockpiled some reserves.

Every one of us has times of blessing and abundance in our lives. Sometimes it comes in the form of extra free time. This often is true when we’re young. Or maybe we receive additional money that we weren’t expecting. What we do with those extra resources can determine whether we survive the lean times that will surely come.

I believe it is possible to maintain a surplus in every important area of life. Sure, there are moments and sometimes even seasons when we exhaust our resources in one particular area. That happens to the best of us. But when we reach that point, it’s time to step back and start making deposits to replenish the account.

Today is the day to start building up your accounts. Pray before the crisis hits. Exercise and eat right before sickness comes. (You may prevent its arrival altogether.) Save money before the car breaks down. Spend time with your friends and family while they’re still here.

Let’s build a surplus. We won’t regret it.

America’s real national pastime

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FootballAugust is finally here, which begs one very important question: Are you ready for some football?

Ready or not, pigskins are about to fly. The National Football League’s lockout has ended, training camps have opened, and the exhibition season begins with a slate of games on August 11. Meanwhile, the NCAA is preparing to kick off its regular season football schedule on September 1.

The men may be ready for some football, but wives and girlfriends across the nation are asking another question: Why do men like this sport so much? (At least that’s what my wife is asking, anyway.) Well, I’ve given it some thought, and come up with some answers, which we’ll get to in a moment.

First, understand this: football is America’s new national pastime. Sure, we still love our old national pastime, baseball. But football is the new king of sports. USA Today reports that Pro football games marked eight of last year’s top 10 television programs. Football is flat-out whipping every other American sport like a rented mule. The gridiron game also dominates sports talk radio. We just passed Major League Baseball’s July 31 trading deadline and are entering the home stretch in several pennant races, but talk show hosts can’t quit talking football. The networks aren’t stupid: they’ve done the research and know football generates ratings.

Why the fascination with football? We love the game for the many reasons, including the following.

We can watch the entire season.

Major League Baseball teams play 162 games every season. The average MLB game lasts approximately three hours, so watching every game would require an annual investment of approximately 486 hours. And that doesn’t include spring training or playoff games. Sure, some men are willing to make that kind of sacrifice. Those are the same guys who also have a hard time getting a girlfriend.

The NBA and the NHL both maintain 82 game schedules, not including an extensive four-round best-of-seven playoff format that could extend the season by as much as 28 games. Watching every single one of those games requires tying up two or three evenings a week for months on end.

On the other hand, the NFL maintains a reasonable 16-game schedule. Major college football programs play a 12-game regular season schedule. Even throwing in playoff and bowl games, you realistically can watch every snap of your favorite team’s season by committing just one afternoon per week for approximately four months. That’s doable.

As a bonus, you’ll still have time left to actually have a life.

We can relate to the players.

Football has a place for men of all shapes, sizes and stations in life. Review any NFL or D-1 college football roster, and you’ll find born-again Christians from the Bible Belt lining up beside gangbangers from the inner city. You’ve got Ivy League grads squaring off against men who used to stock grocery store shelves. (Kurt Warner still is my favorite player.) Linemen usually are wide and tall; wide receivers and defensive backs are skinny; running backs can be short and squat. No matter what you look like or where you come from, football’s got a position for you.

Football also is the most integrated sport. American professional sports remind me of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Some black sports fans complain that Major League Baseball and the National Hockey League are too white. Some rural sports fans believe the National Basketball Association is too urban and too black. But sports fans of all classes and colors have found that the NFL and its NCAA counterpart are just right.

We love the big hits.

Some Christians criticize football because they believe it’s too violent. I’d be lying if I told you big hits aren’t part of the game’s appeal. Men like to see other men get the snot knocked out of them – literally. It’s why we like boxing, wrestling, martial arts and action heroes. Hey, even the Apostle Paul used wrestling and boxing analogies in his epistles.

Besides, the violence on the gridiron isn’t exactly the equivalent of the gladiatorial contests of ancient Rome. Football fans don’t want to see members of the opposing team get their heads chopped off or be maimed by wild beasts. Nothing beats seeing a wide receiver get blasted after catching a pass in the middle of the field, only to have him jump right back up and signal “first down!”

In recent years, the NFL and the NCAA have taken steps to try to protect players from injury while maintaining the integrity of the game. These efforts generally have been applauded. Only a fool wants to see another man get hurt. Knocked down, sure: knocked out, no.

We love the combination of strategy and athletic prowess.

Men typically enjoy games and events that employ strategy. That’s why we like studying military history and playing chess. All professional sports include some level of strategy, but football has the most. Teams have offensive and defensive playbooks filled with dozens of strategies for either scoring touchdowns or shoving the ball down the opposing team’s throat. On every play, each of the 11 players on both sides of the ball has a specific assignment. If players execute those assignments perfectly, the result could be a touchdown for the offense or a turnover for the defense.

Of course, most of the time players don’t execute their assignments perfectly. That’s when athletic prowess comes in handy. Nothing beats watching Michael Vick slither out of a lineman’s grasp and dash for a first down, or seeing Peyton Manning sling it 60 yards for a touchdown. We admire that athletic prowess because most men have played football at some level – even if it was just in the backyard – and know it isn’t nearly as easy as the pros make it look.

Writing this makes me nostalgic for the days of Detroit Lions running back Barry Sanders. I loved watching him play. Many times it looked as if he would be tackled in the backfield. Then he’d put on a little juke move, and the defense would be grasping at air as Sanders sailed downfield for a big gain. Former St. Louis Rams running back Marshall Faulk was the same way: he could make guys miss like no one else. He left fans with their mouths agape, asking “How did he do that?!”

Hey, I’m ready for some football!

How to hear the voice of God

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God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, has in these last days spoken to us by His Son. – Hebrews 1:1-2, New King James Version

Last Friday evening, my wife and I attended campmeeting. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept of “campmeeting,” it is a conference that features worship, teaching, preaching and fellowship. It is designed to encourage and equip Christians for service in God’s Kingdom.

Years ago, people actually camped out during campmeeting, and services often were held under a large tent. Today, attendees usually stay in nearby hotels, in travel trailers, or, at worst, a dormitory, and services usually are held in an air-conditioned auditorium. But one thing remains unchanged: campmeeting is a great place to hear from God.

On Friday evening, the featured speaker preached about how Philip repeatedly brought his friends and acquaintances to Jesus (see John 1:43-51). The preacher reminded us of the importance of sharing the message of Jesus with our friends and acquaintances, or, in Christian-speak, “soul-winning.”

This has been a tough year for my family, and, as a result, we’ve allowed ourselves to be very inwardly focused. We definitely needed to be reminded that, as believers, we are responsible for bringing others to Jesus. As I listened to the sermon, I was aware that God was speaking to me. He wasn’t addressing me in an audible voice, but He certainly was using the voice of the preacher to remind me that reaching out to others is a lot more important (and beneficial) than agonizing over my own trials and difficulties.

Throughout the Bible, God spoke to men in various ways. He spoke to Moses out of a burning bush (Exodus 3:4). He spoke to Balaam through a donkey (Numbers 22:28). He spoke to the prophet Elijah in a still small voice (1 Kings 19:12). He spoke to the Apostle Peter in a vision (Acts 10:10). But regardless of the method, the Scriptures make one thing clear: God speaks.

Two thousand years have passed since the last words of Scripture were written, but God hasn’t gone silent. He still speaks to men today. I know because He speaks to me. I’ve heard His voice on many occasions, in different ways.

And if you’ll take time to listen, God will speak to you.

There are a few ways in which God speaks clearly on a consistent basis. You can hear His voice if you’ll listen in these places.

Through the Bible

The number one way God speaks today is through the Bible. Repeatedly, the Scriptures record the words, “God said.” The Apostle Paul told his young protégé, Timothy, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God” (2 Timothy 3:16, NKJV). That is a great reason why you and I should read the Bible on a daily basis.

My pastor once said, “Bible reading is the listening side of prayer.” I’ve found that to be true. Many times I’ve picked up the Bible, read a few verses or chapters, and realized God was correcting my behavior or giving me direction in a particular situation. At other times He has challenged, corrected and directed me by reminding me of Scriptures I previously had read or memorized.

Sadly, lots of Christians never crack open their Bibles. That’s one reason there is so much bad theology and doctrinal error in the world today. Remember that, while God may use other methods or men to speak to you, He will never contradict His written word (Psalm 119:89).

Hear God’s voice: read your Bible.

Through preaching and teaching

I’m blessed to attend a church where the pastor is an excellent preacher and teacher. I really enjoy listening to his sermons and Bible studies. But it’s about more than just his communication gifts: I know he hears from God and relays the message to me.

I’ve often gone to church with an awareness that I really needed to hear from God. On those occasions, the Lord has used our pastor to preach a very timely sermon that directly applied to my life. If I hadn’t gone to church, I wouldn’t have heard God’s voice.

Paul began his letter to another of his young protégés, Titus, by saying that God “has in due time manifested His word through preaching” (1:3, NKJV). It’s popular to poke fun at preachers in our current culture, but Paul told Corinthian believers, “The preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God” (1 Corinthians 1:18, KJV).

Preaching and teaching are two of the most common methods God uses to speak to His people. That’s why I can’t comprehend “Christians” who don’t attend church. When you never hear preaching or teaching, you’re missing much of what God is trying to say to you.

Through events and circumstances

I don’t think you should interpret everything that happens in your life as a message from the Divine. Bad things happen to good people. However, I do believe God sometimes uses events and circumstances to deliver a message. In the Old Testament, God used disaster, draught, famine and war to try to convince His people to repent of their rebellion. They didn’t always hear the message, but He was speaking nonetheless.

God still uses troubles and trials to get our attention. When my father was in his early twenties, God spoke to him about entering the ministry. Dad didn’t want to be a preacher, so he ignored God’s voice. During the next couple of years, God sent adversity to get dad’s attention. I was born with serious medical complications, and only survived thanks to God’s healing power. Dad later broke his leg, and, one week after the cast was removed, he broke the same leg again. The injuries forced him to miss work, creating serious financial hardship for his young family. At another point dad almost severed his thumb from his hand with a knife while trying to prepare a meal. He then was involved in a serious auto accident on the way to therapy. When the accident ended, the engine of my parent’s truck was sitting in the cab between them.

Finally, frustrated and angry about the way his life was going, dad skipped Bible study one Wednesday evening. His pastor came out to visit him later that night and convinced my dad to face reality: his problems weren’t the problem. The problem was dad was running from God’s call. Dad relented, and today he serves God as a pastor.

Don’t hold God responsible for all negative events in your life. However, be aware that God could be using your circumstances to try to speak to you. Pray, read God’s word, listen to your pastor and spiritual elders, and God will make sure you don’t miss the message.

Through Jesus Christ

God can speak to us through just about any medium. God can speak through children or our parents. God speaks through spiritual elders. God speaks through visions and dreams. God can speak through a coworker or a relative, even if that person is an unbeliever. God can speak through a book or even a billboard. The possibilities are as limitless as God Himself. God might even chose to speak to you in an audible voice.

But, mostly importantly, Hebrews 1:1-2 tells us God has spoken most directly through the person of Jesus Christ.

What is the message Jesus lived out? That God loves and cares for you and me so much that He laid down His life for us. If you don’t hear anything else, you need to hear that message.

The challenge for us is to be spiritual enough to discern the voice of Jesus from the chatter of the world. Jesus said His followers would know His voice (John 10:1-5). If we’re having a hard time discerning Jesus’ voice, maybe we’re not following Him closely enough.

God speaks. Are we listening?

Are you man enough for marriage?

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The single man’s guide to knowing if you’re ready to pop the question

My wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl back in March. Since that time, I’ve been considering that, someday, 40 to 50 years from now, my daughter is going to bring home some young buck that she thinks might be the man of her dreams. (Ok, it just might be a little sooner.)

There are a few criteria Boyfriend is going to have to meet before he asks for my daughter’s hand in marriage, though. There’ll be the credit check, background check, full physical, drug test, IQ test, psychological exams, obstacle course, interviews with his close associates, and a year’s worth of reports from the private investigator. If Boyfriend passes muster, a sizeable dowry should just about wrap things up.

My daughter’s wedding day may be a few years away, but I know several young men of marriageable age who actively are pursuing their own Ms. Right. These young Romeos are searching for a lovely young lady who is the perfect combination of looks, charm, intelligence, talent, and bloated bank account.

I believe these wannabe husbands should heed the words of Pastor Terry Shock. Shock advised singles to “Quit trying to FIND the right person and start BEING the right person.”

That’s something to think about. With that in mind, I offer the following guidelines to all single Christian men contemplating marriage. Don’t pop the question until you meet the criteria. (Note to my daughter’s future beaus: these are what I call the “non-negotiables.”)

You must be an established Christian

Marriage is a God-ordained institution. (See Genesis 2:18-25) It won’t work unless He is at the center. God can’t just be something you do on Sunday morning – He’s got to be the absolute center of your existence.

Before entering into marriage, it is critical that you become established in your faith. If you’re a new believer, avoid getting involved in a romantic relationship. When you’re born again, you become a brand new person. You need time to figure out exactly what God has planned for your life. Even the Apostle Paul took three years to get established in Christianity. (See Galatians 1:17) At this point, a girlfriend is just an unnecessary distraction.

Regardless of how long you’ve been a believer, you also must make sure you are consistent in your pursuit of spiritual disciplines. Learn how to pray consistently before you get married, because you and your new bride are going to need prayer. Trust me on that one.

You must be committed to a local church

A strong local church is going to be a great source of encouragement and inspiration to your marriage. In those first years as man and wife, you’re going to need all of the encouragement and inspiration you can get. You’re going to need a pastor and spiritual elders who will pray with you, counsel you, and teach you. That’s why you must be grounded in a local church before even considering marriage.

It’s also critical that you marry a young lady who attends a church of the same denomination. She may be a wonderful Presbyterian who is committed to her faith and her church, but she’s probably going to be uncomfortable on a Pentecostal pew after the wedding. Just because you are both “Christians” doesn’t mean you share the same theology. Know what you believe, and make sure she believes it too. If she doesn’t, ditch her immediately.

You must be a spiritual leader

Husbands play many roles, including provider, encourager, supporter and lover (the role young men usually are the most excited about). But the most important role any husband can fill is that of spiritual leader.

Ephesians 5:21-33 outlines a husband’s leadership role in marriage. Rather than presenting men as the “king of the castle,” Paul says husbands should follow the example of Jesus, who loved to the point of death.

That’s tough stuff.

How do you know whether you’re ready to be a spiritual leader? Ask your pastor. If you’re not a spiritual leader in your local church, you won’t be a spiritual leader to your new family.

If you’re failing in this area, take heart: there are countless opportunities to love and lead like Jesus. Get involved in a ministry in your local congregation. Start a Bible study in your home. Be faithful to God’s house. Serve others.

Just don’t get married until you learn to lead.

You must be financially independent

One of my friends likes to say, “There’s no romance without the finance.” He’s right. Financial pressure can crack a marriage apart. That’s why you need to take some common sense financial steps before saying “I do.”

First, you need a steady source of income to buy groceries and pay the rent. Unless you’re a member of the trust fund brigade, that means you need a job. That job doesn’t have to pay $100,000 annually for you to think about getting married: but it does need to pay enough to cover household expenses. Filling drinks at McDonald’s probably won’t cut it.

This is why it’s a good idea to live on your own for a while before getting married. If mommy and daddy have always footed your bills, you have no idea how much things cost. Believe me: it’s an expensive world.

Learn how to create and live on a budget while you’re single. Avoid debt like the plague. Save money. In fact, don’t get married until you have set aside at least $1,000 in an emergency fund. As soon as you get back from the honeymoon, the car is going to need major repairs or one of you will break a leg. That’s life. If you don’t have an emergency fund, you’ll have to call your parents or MasterCard for a bailout. You don’t want to go down that road.

If you don’t know, ask

So you’ve read this far, but you’re still not sure if you’re ready to jump into the world of marriage. Here’s the final test: if you’re getting serious about getting hitched, ask someone who knows you well whether they think you’re ready.

Start with your parents. Hopefully you’ve got a mom and/or dad who’ll give it to you straight. Ask your pastor whether he considers you to be a committed Christian and spiritual leader. Ask your boss if he/she thinks your work ethic could support a family.

Examine other relationships in your life. If you can’t get along with your parents or siblings, you probably won’t get along with a wife, either. Do you keep your current commitments? Marriage is the biggest commitment of all. If you won’t keep little promises, how will you keep the one that includes, “till death do us part”?

If you think you’re ready, go for it. If you’ve got the blessing of your parents, pastor, and God, you can have a happy and successful marriage.

When it comes to a potential marriage partner for yourself or your children, post a comment to let me know your “non-negotiables.”